Yvette's universe: What is relaxing?

Relaxing has always been difficult for me. People know that my general affect is that of just having been shot out of a cannon, and in the past year I have noticed that stress is really starting to get to me. The first sign was that I was smoking more. A lot more. I had purchased an electric cigarette to quit smoking and found I was only using it where smoking was not allowed so I could just keep on smokin.

The next sign was that I found that I was holding my breath for no good reason every time I was faced with any kind of stress.

To cap it off, I noticed that suddenly I was not sleeping as well as I used to. I would find myself counting down the hours left until I had to wake up in the morning, sometimes getting to an hour and a half before finally dozing off. So I decided to try meditation. Bought several books, tapes, and even a silly DVD. Nothing worked. I kept thinking too hard.

Additionally every time I would lay down I would have to worry about Papi. I'll just leave it at that.

So I decided I would adopt Eastern Philosophies and become a relaxed and zen individual. I started by studying the writings of the Dalai Lama. Then he stated publicly that he was philosophically was a socialist. That was the end of that.

Tried to do yoga.

Went to a class, and couldn't focus because I was watching everyone else, and was annoyed if people made noises. (yoga should be silent. At least that's what I think). Then I got into an argument with a guy in my yoga class because he kept crowding me. Got asked to leave by the instructor for not having a peaceful affect. That was the end of that.

Had a good friend ask me along on an African safari. Thought about it.

That was the end of that.

Part of the problem is that I go places that aspire to meditation and I don't look like anybody else. They are all super natural people, wearing hemp clothes and wicker sandals. I arrive looking, well, like me. Makeup, hair, designer yoga pants, and matching top. I have tried to do the natural look.